Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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