you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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