Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
My liver just had a heart attack.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
