its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
