Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
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