He disabled his match.com account in front of me
You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Success! We fucked roommates!
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
