I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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