Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Randomize
