What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
