guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
