You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
