yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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