The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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