So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
