I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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