i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
