Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
