U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
