Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Randomize
