my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
