i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Ketchup is God's man juice
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
