Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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