he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
