hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
