I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
