so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
