I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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