Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
