Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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