oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
