i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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