I wish you could order shots online.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
