Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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