I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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