She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
