Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
