When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
