he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
