It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
