I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
