You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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