Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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