yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
