ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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