i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
