You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
