Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
