ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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