Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
