You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
